Child Soldiers

Ayon sa article na nabasa ko mula kay Ginoong Yahoo , talamak daw sa Mindanao ang child soldiers. That’s true , I know that because I’ m from Mindanao. Hindi po sila kasapi ng Philippine army, sila po ang kasapi ng mga makakaliwang organisasyon gaya ng NPA at MILF. Sila po ay mga kabataang ang edad ay 18 pababa. Nakakalungkot isipin na ang mga kabataang itinuring na pag-asa ng bayan ay nasadlak sa ganyang bagay, Habang ang ibang kabataan ay abala sa pag-aaral , sila ay abala sa kanilang pakikibaka , dala nila ay hindi libro kung hindi mga armas .Paano na ang ating bayan kung karahasan ang namamayani sa puso ng mga kabatan na pag-asa ng ating bayan?
Sa article po ni Ginoong yahoo na pinamagatang “Child Soldiers Still Rampant in Mindanao”, may nagcomment po, ito po ang sinabi niya”Ganyan kakitid ang mga utak niyan…kaya hanggang diyan lang sila, palamunin. Isipin mo ang alam lang nila bumaril tapos pag medyo malakas na ang loob nila, kidnapping naman,,,tapos pag namatay sa paraiso naman sila pupunta kac na-promote silang jihad eh.” Medyo ako po ay nainis pagkabasa ko sa comment niya. Medyo sa tingin ko makitid ang utak ng taong yun or baka ako talaga ang makitid ang utak..haha..basta.Bakit po ako nainis sa komento niya? Una, Ako po ay naniniwala na hindi naman po makitid ang kanilang mga utak , mas tama po sigurong sabihin na hindi po nagabayan ng tama ang mga bata. Alam po natin na nagkamali ang mga bata , ito’y dahil sa udyok ng kahirapan plus kakulangan ng tamang gabay ng mga magulang plus mga mapagsamantalang tao sa lipunan.

Pangalawa,sino ba ang taong yan para magtakda kung hanggang saan lang ang kayang abutin ng mga bata?Oo, itinuring silang salot ng lipunan,subalit ako po ay naniniwala na may pag-asa pa na mabago ang kapalaran nila, kailangan lang na may magmulat ng kanilang mga mata at magturo sa kanila sa tamang landas ng buhay. Malaki po ang tsansa na sila ay maging future terrorists, kidnappers, etc..pero pwede din po na sila ay maging haligi ng bayan sa hinaharap.
Pangatlo , hindi po sila palamunin , ang sakit naman ng salitang yan..akala ba ng taong ito madali ang maging rebelde?aba mahirap po ang mga trabaho nila.Ikaw kaya ang mamuhay sa bundok, at mamuhay ng patago..tapos ang liliit pa ng mga katawan nila bitbit na nila’y mga mabibigat na armas sa halip na laruan o kaya naman mga libro. Sa halip na pag-aaral at paglalaro, pakikipagbakbakan sa mga alagad ng pamahalaan ang kanilang ginagawa.. Nagsisikap po ang mga batang yan para mabuhay ,hindi po sila palamunin lang, yun nga lang po mali po ang kanilang ipinaglalaban at mali po ang kanilang pamamaraan.
Pang-apat ,sabi po ng nagkomento sa article “Isipin mo ang alam lang nila bumaril tapos pag medyo malakas na ang loob nila, kidnapping naman,,,tapos pag namatay sa paraiso naman sila pupunta kac na-promote silang jihad”. Parang iniisip na agad niya na ang mga batang sundalong tinutukoy sa article ay Muslim. Yan po ang ,masakit para sa mga MUSLIM, pag may kaguluhan sa kanila agad ibinibintang. Alalahanin po natin na katulad ng mga Kristiyano , mayroon din mabubuti at masasamang Muslim.Mayroon din pong child soldiers sa NPA , hindi lang sa MILF at alam po natin na kadalasang member ng NPA ay mga Kristiyano.
Hindi po ako member ng anumang makakaliwang organisasyon, naniniwala lang po ako na ang mga batang sundalong, halang man ang kaluluwa, itinuring man silang salot sa lipunan , ay mga biktima lamang ng kahirapan, huwag po natin silang kamuhian ,sila po ay mga tupa na naligaw lamang ng landas, kailangan po nila ang isang pastol na magbabalik sa kanila sa tamang landas. May pag-asa pa po na sila ay magbago. Sabi nga ng napanood ko sa Rated K, ” Kayang baguhin ng panginoon ang isang tao , gaano man sila kasama” at ako ay naniniwala sa sinabi niya.
Ako po ay umaasa na balang araw, mamumulat ang mga mata ng mga bata , nawa’y makita na nila ang liwanag sa gitna ng malaking karimlan ng kanilang buhay at nawa’y huwag po nating ipagkait sa kanila ang liwanag kung sakali man na ito’y kanila ng masilayan.

Graduation Day

Two years ago, I was there, at the front sit , facing the stage and wearing a toga.. waiting for my name to be called to get my diploma. I had mixed emotions back then , I didn’t know what to feel …I was happy because finally i finished my studies w/ a flying color , sad because my family wasn’t there to be with me in that special occasion of my life . I felt so alone , I was hurting inside because I felt neglected I was envious to my classmates because though they were just mere graduates ,they were so happy , there family was there while I was alone. I am a cum laude but no one in my family attended, no one put a lei in my neck..no pictures,..nothing at all. After the ceremony I hurriedly went home because I don’t want to see there happy faces. I went home and just slept the whole day ,as if nothing happened. It was so unfair , i worked very hard for that , I did everything coz i want my family to be proud of me, but it was in vain…………..

Now , here I am , sitting here in front of the stage , wearing a toga but I am not a graduate , I am the mentor of some graduates. I am here not to receive my diploma but to witness them while receiving there diploma. They look so happy..they look so fulfilled , I saw a lot of parents…great!!!there parents looked so happy and it made me envious again..haynako.indeed that was my most memorable experience….

The Quest of a Physically Challenged

Yes…I am  physically challenged . When           I was young I found it detrimental to my happiness and dreams. I didn’t have a happy childhood. I didn’t experience playing those games most children played. Aw…hahaha..is my grammar correct??hmmm..aside from being physically challenged i am also a grammatically challenged person..lol.Anywayz..i didn’t experience playing hide and seek and the likes. While my siblings and neighbors were enjoying in our backyard , i was just there..watching them in the window or in the corner. My parents didn’t allow me to play with them coz they were afraid that i might get hurt by my playmates. They didn’t even allow me to attend “flores de mayo” coz as usual they are afraid that i might get hurt…

During my elementary days , my teachers always exempt me from cleaning our school and other programs in the school.. So while my classmates were busy cleaning outside, I  was left in the classroom alone. Yan always ang nangyayari sa akin sa elementary, lagi akong exempted. Kapag may importanteng okasyon naman like  Araw ng barangay namin syempre yung school kailangan my maipresent na sayaw or whatever so kailangan mag prepare at halos 1 month ang preparation niyan..walang maayos na klase for 1 month and as usual exempted ulit ako at ako ulit yung tagabantay ng mga gamit ng classmates ko sa room namin.. how kawawa.. But despite of my physical “defects” i was able to excel in academics, i was a quiz bowler from elementary to high school.. kahit anong subject game akong sumali at sa awa ng Diyos nananalo naman ako. My life in primary and secondary school was never easy, i always experience mockery but i tried to ignore it at all times..sometimes my teachers also joined my classmates in mocking me..nakikitawa pa sila instead na patigilin yung mga pilyo kung classmates and it was disgusting.

Nakakapagod yung school life ko..I was always in a “quest for excellence”..parang lagi akong nasa quizbowl coz it was only in academic area where i could be the best. Kaya aral lang ako ng aral, dyan ako magaling..sa pag-aaral. I  strived hard for excellence because i was longing for appreciation and  i also found it as an effective solution in order that those people around will stop mocking at me. I was able to gain the respect of my classmates because i am good in the class. Solve na yung isang problema ko. Wala ng nanunukso sa akin or kung meron man ipinagtatanggol naman ako ng mga kaklase ko OK na sana, sanay na yung mga classmates at schoolmates in elementary sa hitsura ko kaya medyo i felt at ease with them. Dumating yung graduation namin sa elementary. Star ako, bilib na bilib sa akin mga tao sa paligid ko kasi dami kung awards. I was so happy then, but deep inside there was fear , fear sa kung ano pa man ang mararanasan ko sa high school, fear that i wont be able to adjust in my new environment..

Noong nag high school na ako, hindi na ako exempt sa mga trabaho, at sumasali na rin ako sa mga activities sa school , but of course my parents didn’t know about it, hindi ko na pinaalam kasi alam kung kakausapin na naman nila mga teachers ko, ayoko ng maging kakaiba. I wanted to have a high school life like other normal students. Naging normal naman ang buhay ko. Same parin noong elementary ako ,ako parin ang angat sa academics. I graduated as a salutatorian , valedictorian sana kaso kulang ako sa extra curricular. I was happy then , but deep inside my heart there was fear , fear of what  will happen  in college.

I pursued my studies and I took up bachelor of science in accountancy. Since college na, medyo mature na ang mga tao sa school, wala ng nanunukso, pagtataka na lang ang nakita ko sa mga mata ng mga nakakasalubong ko, mga kaklase at schoolmates ko. I was a consistent honor student from first year to fourth year and I graduated as cum laude. I was so happy during my graduation though my family wasn’t able to attend but again , deep inside my heart there was fear , fear that I wont be able to meet there expectations , fear that contrary to what my friends, family , mentors, neighbors  , etc expected ,I wont be able to pass in the CPA board exam.

Immediately after graduation I started my review for the board exam. Again another environment , bonggang-bonggang adjustment ulit. Nag excel ulit ako, I was a consistent top notcher in our preboard exams in the review center. After 5 months of preparation , I took the cpa board exam, I passed but I wasn’t in the top ten , so I was quite disappointed because I used to be in the top but I was still happy. Again, though happy , deep inside my heart there was fear , a  greater fear because from that day I have to live in a real world , I have to embark in a new journey and I didn’t know what was in stored for me outside the four corners of my classroom. There was fear that I wouldn’t be able to land a good job because I  am physically challenged but since I have no other choice , I faced my fear , I passed my resume to various companies, passed there exams and experienced job interviews, specifically initial interviews. Hanggang doon lang, hindi na ako naka pag final interview maybe because of my physical appearance and though it hurts , I tried to understand them , of course there are lots of cpas who also excel in academics  so why would those companies prefer me over the others?? I was close to giving up but  I know that God has prepared something great for me , and it might be wrapped in those scrutinizing faces and judgmental minds of interviewers, all I have to do is to unwrapped them.

After 2 months of being tambay, the school where I graduated hired me, Praise God at last I have a job. I was so happy then, but again , there was fear deep with in my heart. Fear that my employer would regret hiring me , fear that I won’t be able to do my job well , fear that my employer will not be satisfied with my performance. After six months of being a probationary , I was given a regular or permanent position in the office as a financial analyst, thanks God. Then the dean of the college of accountancy asked me if I want to teach, I was hesitant at first , again there was fear deep within my heart ,fear  that my students would not like me, fear that I wont be able to handle the class well, fear  that my students will mock at me but I still accepted the offer and started my career as an educator.

Now, I’m still working in the institution as a financial analyst and  a part time instructor. To God be the Glory.

My Greatest Fear

I have lots of fears…takot ako sa dilim kasi parang hindi ako makakahinga kapag wala akong nakitang kahit maliit na liwanag…takot akong mawalan ng magulang..takot akong tumanda kasi baka walang mag-aaruga sa akin…..takot akong mabankrupt yung pinagtatrabahuhan ko kasi baka hindi na ako makakahanap ng ibang employer….at marami pang iba. But you know what i fear most?im afraid that one of my siblings, friends , neighbors , or people i know will have a child like me. Aw.,..tama ba ang englis ko?actually im not good in english..is it very obvious??lol..Anyway..you know why?kasi takot akong masisi sa kasawian ng ibang tao..no parents would wish to have a child like me..it will be as if they are being cursed..haha..sad but thats the reality. I dont know how will i react if this will happen..ano kayang gagawin ko?magtago?paano ko kaya sila haharapin??God please dont let it happen..please,please,please..enough na ang may isang ako. I know how hard it is at ayokong maranasan ng mga magiging pamangkin ko, anak ng mga kaibigan o kakilala ko ang mga masasakit na karanasan ko sa buhay..It is not that easy..i tell you..mahirap…i dont want others to experience being ridiculed & rejected by those judgmental people. Actually, modesty aside my itsura naman ako..marami rin ang naloloko sa angkin kung ganda……..yun nga lang pag nakaupo ako..haha..just dont let me walk,and dont try to shake hands with me kasi tiyak you will be turned off. DO you get the picture now??may idea na ba kayo kung ano ako??hahaha…Paano nga ba ako naging ganito?maraming teorya ang nabuo sa isip ko at narinig ko pero hanggang teorya lang ako. I never asked my parents why I am like this kasi ako lang naman ang ganito sa pamilya namin.Praise God. SAbi ng mga mapamahiin baka ipinaglihi ako sa tsoriso..sabi ng ate ko kaya ako ngkaganito kasi tinawanan daw niya yung kapitbahay namin na may paang kagaya ko noong ipinagbubuntis ako ng nanay ko. Sabi sa school baka my mother tried to abort me…etc..etc…or baka nagkasakit siya at may nainom siya na medyo matapang na gamot,sabi ng iba baka my lahi kaming ganito. Sa mga teoryang yun mas gusto kung isipin na ipinaabort ako ng nanay ko. Yan dapat ang pinakamasakit na rason kng bakit ako naging ganito but ito ang pinakamainam para sa akin. Alam niyo kung bakit mas gusto ko na pinagtangkaan ng sarili kung nanay na tapusin ang buhay ko kaysa sa ibang rason?kasi ibig sabihin noon hindi totoo ang lihi so hindi na ako matatakot na mapaglihian, at hindi rin totoong nasa lahi namin ang pagiging ganito so walang posibility na magiging kagaya ang isa o mahigit pa sa mga magiging pamangkin ko.Anyway, tanggap ko kung ano ako..sanay na rin ako sa mga pangungutya ng iba, lalo na ng mga pilyong bata pero iniiwasan kung matukso sa harap ng pamilya at mga kaibigan ko coz i know they will get hurt and they will pity on me..oH I HATE paG kinakaawaan ako…..kaya pag nadapa ako pinipilit kung tumayo sa sariling kung mga paa,kapag nahuhulog ang mga hawak kung gamit pinipilit kung pulutin ang lahat ng kalat ko..kapag narereject ako, ginagawa ko ang lahat para makabawi at mapatunayan sa iba na kaya ko..kaya ko…at kaya ko…pipilitin kung kayanin gaano man kahirap mabatid lang ng iba na may magagawa ako at may silbi ako. Sa awa ng Diyos marami na akong napatunayan sa sarili ko at sa mga tao sa paligid ko……………………………….I am now an accountant and currently thriving in the corporate world. All praises to God..